Jogging 101

There should be a class taught in NYC to people who decide they are going to start jogging in public. RULE 1: BUY APPROPRIATE CLOTHING. Since moving here I have seen women jogging in jeans, unfit men jogging in bare-all spandex onesies, shirts off (on people i don't want to look at even with shirts on), high black socks, and hosiery. You read that right, hosiery. His name is "Elegant" Elliot Offen, a Howard Stern "Whack Pack-er". Now had someone warned me of this regular sighting in my neighborhood I would have been prepared. But I was not. I saw someone run past me in a white t-shirt and what I thought were very short shorts. Nope, not shorts, but nude control top pantyhose sans shorts. His chin length hair was streaked in blue and red and pulled into a Bam-Bam style pony on top of his head. And the best part was the old school Walkman tape player. I managed to suppress my vomit long enough to actually look at his face. He had the most scowly (no other way to describe) face I'd ever seen and seemed to be running away from the source creating the scowl. What was the source? My guess would be life. The next time I saw him he was wearing a woman's black leotard thong and black opaque stockings. Lord have mercy is right. I can't believe my eyes didn't melt on the spot.

So the moral of this blog is not to encourage putting on make-up or expensive running clothes but just wear clothes. No one wants to see your bits or scowls. Riiiight. And yes that is him below. You're welcome.