Can't Bring a Dog to Water...

NYC has a bad rep. The man yelling "fungule" at an innocent tourist is normally the picture that is conjured up. But most New Yorkers I have encountered are very friendly. I have met a number of people just walking my Chihuahua Oscar. This one day in particular I was walking Oscar and bumped into a couple walking an adorable Chihuahua even smaller than my 6 pound lil guy. We walked and talked, discovered they were from Boston, we happen to share a mutual friend, and we could potentially take care of each others' pups while traveling. That was until I walked with the woman and dog a few days later.

Pipa's female owner asks if me and Oscar want to join them for a walk. Actually I got a text from "Pipa" asking if Oscar can come out and play. I respond as me, and she responds again as Pipa. Shoulda known right there that somethin' wasn't right. We met at the dog park designed for small breeds. She claimed that her lil pup, Pipa, did not want to go in the dog park. I thought it was odd she wouldn't give the dog a chance, but assuming she was afraid to bring her dog in, I complied and left the dog park. As we walked along the river, her lil Pipa was walking in front just sniffing around like a normal doggie. Then the owner says "Pipa wants to walk this way, do you mind?". I looked down to see Pipa sniffing near another path but was not acting odd, or pulling on the leash, or even making a sound. Now in my head I'm thinking lady, do you have some kind of cosmic connection with your dog? But having just met this chick, and her path paving dog, I just followed her lead. We continued on this path for a few minutes when Pipa apparently wanted to change directions again (according to her owner). Now keep in mind it was a hot day and I wanted to continue walking along the beautiful river, not head into town. I really didn't give a shit what Pipa "wanted" to do. And the fact that Pipa weighs 4 pounds, was not in distress, and this lady's nutso factor was becoming more evident I was now becoming agitated. So my reply changed from an initial shrugged "sure" to a "oh, ummm, yeah I guess". Shortly after this I "needed to head home".

The next time I meet up with her it begins to rain. She puts Pipa in a handbag. "Pipa just hates the rain." Wow should've seen this one coming.

A few days later I get a text from Pipa asking if Oscar wants to hang out again because her mom and dad are walking her. Lord have mercy. Dog texting again? I head out of my apartment and they say they are at 82 & York. Since we have always met at the dog park I tell her I am at the dog park. It is a beautiful sunny day and the Carl Shultz park has gardens and activity and is a block away from where they are. Wait for it... They respond that "Pipa does not seem to want to walk to the water you want to walk this way?". Whatchu talkin' bout Willis? Your dog knows where the river is and doesn't want to walk that way? You mean you can't gently tug on your 4 pound dog's leash and make her walk to the goddamn water? Can you even begin to imagine what Cesar Milan would say to this crazy bitch? I don't care if Oscar is foaming at the mouth and actually says to me in English "listen lady I don't wanna go to the river" I would say "Tough shit you're a dog and I'm a human and you will follow me NOW". And I bet if that dog could talk it would say "mom I wanna live a normal dog's life. I am not a human baby". I had had enough. I responded by saying "my leg hurts and I am going to let Oscar play in the dog park" like a normal canine. Pipa didn't respond.

Just because you can meet people in New York doesn't mean they won't be whack jobs. And lady don't blame your weirdness on your dog. You clearly have many hang-ups and I'm not sure why you would prefer to walk along busy streets than near the park. I'm really impressed that you got your grad degree at Harvard, know Japanese and Chinese, and are very successful. But what the hell is wrong with you? I just got a text asking if we wanted to walk with them today. I wrote back that Oscar doesn't wanna walk he actually wants to go to the pub and have a few pints. No I didn't. But I shoulda.