Dear Santa,

I know I have been greedy in the past. Asking for a pony, a Pogo Ball, a Sony Water-Resistant Discman, Prada boots, is not something I am going to do this year. Why? Because you never got any of those for me. And also because I need some damn necessities I'm too broke to even buy.



1) I need a can opener. The picture above is what I am currently using. Am I a wagon leader on the Oregon Trail? No. I live in freaking Manhattan. My parents came to visit and brought over some food to cook at my place. I went to lift the lid of one of the cans when I realized it's not a pop top. Hunh. Well it was then I realized that instead of walking 100 feet to Duane Reade I was gonna bust out the Leatherman I have used to solely to open beer bottles and jerry-rig broken necklaces with. Except my parents weren't impressed they were horrified that I have not even faced this dilemma since moving to my place in July. So Santa, I need a can opener that doesn't take 35-45 minutes to open a can and was not used in the 1800's.



2) I need a wine opener. I currently have the one pictured above. You may be thinking I'm being greedy again, right Santa? Well when my parents were over the very same "can opener incident" night I accidentally left it on the stove where my dad was cooking. I mean I was drinking wine. Since the can opener is plastic, it melted quickly and boy it smelled awful. So take the opener above and melt 1/3 of it. I still use it but I'm not so chic-in-the-city now am I? So Santa, please don't let my parents be horrified at my lifestyle in NYC (and living this way at 31). I'd actually be giving back to my community. I'm giving my parents peace of mind that I'm not a total train wreck.


3) I need an umbrella. Why is there not a picture of one above? Because I don't have one. Not even a broken one. Has it rained? Yes. Have I bought one to replace the 3 the Manhattan winds have destroyed? No. (Chicago you sure you're windier than here? I think we should call in some scientists) Why have I not bought one? Because I'm still not over the complete demolition of my first three umbrellas. They were adequate umbrellas. There are just some cross-town trade-winds that hate me and my sweet, innocent umbrellas. So Santa, I need the kind of umbrella you would give to an Everest climber if they were worried about rain and not death.

XOXO

Yaya