New Trash City

I've only been living in Manhattan since April but I must say that this is the dirtiest, most wasteful, most disgusting city I have ever been to. And I say that with love. Here are some examples:

-I live on DogShit Ave. I seriously think it should be named DogShit Ave. What the hell is up with people not picking up their dog's feces? Could 15 people a day really not have bags for their dog's poo or are they just too lazy to bend over and pick it up? What is going through their mind as their dog shits? ooOO No one is looking, SWEET I don't have to pick up his steaming pile of poo in the middle of the sidewalk. An unsuspecting bystander walking to work will accidentally step in it YES! Run Spot run! It's like a goddamn mine field. I'm gonna start a neighborhood watch and if someone doesn't pick-up their poo I'm gonna shoot them with a BB gun. Bitches.

-The other name for my street could be Broken Glass Alley. We have some serious butterfingers, AKA alcoholics, that live around me. Every morning I 'm either pulling my dog away from feces or lifting him over glass. It's like American Gladiators except my opponents are Glass and Shit. I could make a really tricky video game out of my one section of street.

-How many napkins do I need? I know I'm not always put together but every time I get take-out they give me enough napkins to dry off after a shower. Do I look that slobtastic? Probably so, but dang you don't need to give me a lumberjack's days work. And if you get a can of soda anywhere they are going to give it to you in a paper bag, with a straw and a wink. Like "hey lady I can see you are a classy girl so for you...a straw." Thanks dude the only reason why I need a straw is because this soda probably sat under a rat's asshole for weeks on the sidewalk before it made it to my lips.

-New York needs to work on its greeness. I rarely see people bring canvass bags to the grocery store, and if you do the bagger looks at you like you've got vomit all over your face. 8 million people grocery shopping is a hell of a lot of plastic bags. All of my AmeriCorps roomies and friends from SFS Costa Rica are wincing right now. Stay far away friends. It ain't pretty.

-Ahhh the subway. The nation's petri dish of all things gross. I often wish there was some sort of dry disinfecting shower when I exit the train. I swear I can feel the germs all over me as soon as I swipe my card. Insta-filth. I mean people shit, masturbate, spit, vomit and give birth on those trains. Feel gross now? Yeah me too.

So for those visiting New York wear a Hazmat suit. You'll be a lot more comfortable here.

I <3 NY