Oh Glorious Bath

Throughout my life I have had many ups and downs as I know everyone does (except for Miley Cyrus who is always up). What exactly is the reason behind the oscillation? It is certainly too complex to attribute each shift to a single action, thought, or event. I am currently attempting to exit a low point and looking up. Begging for up. Working hard for up.

My friend D called me tonight to ask how I was doing. She was overly worried. I guess now that I am older I am more vocal about how I am feeling and what is truly going on in my life. Maybe I just understand why I feel unrest in the first place. I came to NYC thinking that it was a new life for me full of activities, museums, bands, friends, fun, and men. And that is exactly what it has been. That was when I realized that something is missing. So what am I missing???

Is it that I miss being close to my parents, Nat, and D? But I lived there and was restless. Is it the job? I have no idea what I actually want to do. Is it the desire for a relationship? I love being in love but I also love not having to compromise right now. Do I desire a bun in the oven? Kids scream and I like it quiet right now. Is it the lack of money? That feels like a strong possibility, but I’ve had money (insert obvious Notorious B.I.G. quote here).

With all these questions and discontent I needed to start small to make myself feel a lil better. Oddly enough I started feeling better just by bathing. And I don’t mean showering because I do that every day. I have no choice I am of Scottish and Irish descent. If I do not wash my hair everyday it looks as though I have not washed it in weeks. I digress. I am strictly talking about bathing. The act of drawing a bath, pouring in the fragrant bath salts, lighting a candle, and reading a book. There is something about this act that makes me feel indulgent and pampered. It was when I started bathing that I started to feel like things were important and interesting again. Why? No idea. Sound weird? I know I feel weird writing it. And it’s not like I just discovered what a bath is but for some reason it is pulling the funk right outta me. That actually sounded gross hunh? So if you’re in a funk I prescribe you to go buy some great smelly salts and take a bath.

Maybe while bathing I will figure out what the hell I want. If I could create my destiny, what would it look like? I cannot think of one person I would model my life after so I guess I have to dream up my own. Now that sounds like fun. And yes, I will have an El Camino with a Jacuzzi in the back. Boo ya.