Poof!

Sweet Jesus.  Words roll right out of my brain and Poof! into nothingness all day long.  Characters.  Poof!  Events.  Poof!  Dialogue.  Poof!  This rush of desire to run and write as if I’ve never written before.  Poof!  As soon as I sit in front of the computer.  I have shut down all the colors, faces, possibilities with one little bit of self-doubt.  Gone all gone.  Where did she go?  The character that was going to tell part of my memoir.  The one that would embarrass myself?  But also bring something to life.  Poof. 

I half expect the typed words to take on different colors and fonts.  For a piece of broccoli to be drawn in the margin as I type.  But alas, everything is in Times New Roman, and 12 font.  Black and White. 

Maybe if I read I will feel re-inspired.  But picking up the book just floods my brain with more words, more ideas and I have stepped away from the computer.  It is not as if I write in my journal with colored pencils that this world is opened up.  It shuts down in the very same manner.  Visions are more beautiful and endless without trying to record them.   But then what do I have to offer?  A fictional, partially non, story and life that only exists in my brain will never be shared.  Will never make me money.  And will also never be criticized. 

But isn’t that why one writes?  To share this other beautiful, crazy scenery you see?  Of course.  But one never wants to be told it could be written better.  Fewer grammatical errors.  Better punctuation.  Therefore I will write without rules.  I will create a style that is my own and everyone who doesn’t like it can go read something else.  Dialogue will take place without quotes.  I will begin and end sentences where I see fit.

This is what makes writers, Writers.  Just like when someone sees a painting and says “I could do that”.  Yeah but you didn’t.  That is what separates Writers and Painters from journal doodlers.  They just do it and do not let this other life Poof!