1) I was a total hormonal freak show. I mean I would cry at the drop of…a fork. “Oh my god my fork fell on the ground! Waaah!” Someone didn’t say exactly what I expected to hear: “Um maybe a different sweater with that?” Waaah. If I didn’t reach my hug quota for the day…Waaaah. Ok maybe I still do this.
2) I was meek and didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted. I would call my technique to get what I wanted “passive aggressive hinting”. For example if we were planning a night out and I wanted to see a movie, instead of saying “I want to see the movie ‘Awesometime’" (why that isn’t a title yet beats me), I would say “Ummm so I’m really craving popcorn.” And then the person would suggest Jiffy Pop and I would cry. “You just don’t get me.”
3) I was convinced that everyone had ESP and when they pretended otherwise I would stomp, pout, slam doors (my fave) and, of course, cry. I’m not proud of this behavior but I was fully convinced that they knew exactly why I was upset and were choosing to withhold what I wanted. Again, if I wanted a hug I would stand there willing a hug upon myself but if I didn't get one I would pout. Why? Because they knew I wanted a hug but chose to walk by me instead. How rude.
4) If I was in a super-sunny-smiley-time mood and the person I was with was in a bad mood it would ruin my day. I would literally morph into whatever doom-and-gloom they were feeling. It sucked. I couldn’t just allow them to own their crankiness and continue on my rainbow-licious day. I would literally turn into Debbie Downer and be mad at them for ruining my day. Not anymore. You can keep your crank to yourself. Unless we’re referring to drugs, then please sir may I have some more? Just kidding mom & dad. Drugs kill.
5) Speaking of morphing I have been: the hippie chick, the preppy chick, the fashionista chick, the ska/reggae-dub chick, the rock n’ roll chick, the extreme athlete (bike, run, & surf or snowboard & snowshoe all-in-one-day) chick, you name it (minus goth) and I was “it” at some point. I was molded by whomever I dated. There was a bit of myself in there but since I’m easily adaptable I changed more colors than a chameleon on a kaleidoscope. I still love to learn new things but if I’m exhausted from 6 hours of snowboarding, have fun snowshoeing on your own at midnight dude. I'll be here with a stout in-hand. Another example is that I would watch Sports Center (or more properly called 'Sports Shouting' by 30 Rock) feigning interest while my ears bled and I was on the verge of a panic attack from all the yelling about stats and who's the best whatever. I didn't give a shit and now would prefer a monkey throwing its poo at me to listening to Sports Center for one more second of my life.
6) I’ve become a lot more selfish. Just as I morphed into whatever the other person wanted I would do whatever they wanted. They want BBQ I want Mexican. They win. They want to go boozing while I want to go to the park. They win. They want to go to the strip joint and I want to go to the symphony, they win and I get boobs in my face for their $5. I never put up a fight. Why? This leads to my next one…
7) Little self-confidence and fear of rejection. Everyone has gone through this especially women in their teens/early 20’s. Today I have a love me or leave me attitude. Life is hard enough by yourself never mind a partner that is going to make it harder. I can’t morph into whatever they want without being resentful and bitter. And I can’t expect that my partner is going be exactly what I want either. If I did my partner would be my butler, my housekeeper, my life coach, my chef, my yoga instructor, my laundry-doer, my personal assistant and my piggy bank. Although all of that sounds nice.
There are the negatives that come along with aging but I’m thankful I’m not the out-of-control hot mess I was in my teens and early 20’s.
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