When I'm a Rock Star/Comedian

Work is dumb.  So instead I like to daydream about what my gigantic dressing room would be like as a rock star/comedian.  I envision all my outlandish requests and my “so what” attitude as they are fulfilled. 

In no particular order:

-My room would be able to hold 550 people. 

- Lay-Z-Boys, Papsans,  and any other form of comfy seating for 50 people.

-The only bit of lighting I want are Jo Malone grapefruit candles and soft up lighting.

- Decorations to be navy blue and peach.

-A tazer.
-Whiffle bat and ball for home run derby.

-25 handicapped, brightly-colored, scooters to play Bumper Scooters or race.

-Organic:  chicken parm, filet mignon, brie, prosciutto, French bread, Godiva dark chocolate ganache, 5 Star granola dark chocolate.  No paper or plastic ware.

-An in-house bartender with a full bar and plenty of liquid cocaine AKA Red Bull and recycling bins for the cans.

-Veuve Cliquot and LOTS of it.  Strawberries?  Yes please.

-Beer, beer, beer.  Lots of it.  Lots of varities including Guinness and Magic Hat #9.

- Macallen 18 yr. with 2 cubes when I ask for one.

-12 hula hoops.

-A fire blower.

-Capuchin monkeys (the young ones, not the old-man lookin’ ones).

-The game Apples to Apples.

-The dancing/humping Ewoks that were on the Today Show.

-Keyboard Cat and OMG Cat.

-Personal D.J. who will play anything on request.

-A unicorn with a rainbow over its head and an elf jockey.

-Bob Saget.

-A hot, male masseuse I will call by the name Chico.

-25 fire extinguishers, for the “fire extinguishing” after-party.

-Fake props to break.  Like chairs, bottles, guitars.  Stuff that when breaks does not actually hurt anyone.  All real stuff will be removed and replaced with the fake stuff.

-A donkey because they still make me laugh.  I will call it Donkey-Hotey.

-A nerf football.

-A red telephone that I will use to call (or shout at) an assistant to get whatever I need, like tropical skittles.

-An adult bouncy room.

-A fun lil pup for my dog Oscar Gomez to play with.

-3, 50” plasma televisions with all US stations.

Now what would you want?