When Josephine was taking the diamond wand to my face I don't think she got the memo that I have nerves there. And the plastic wand, when meeting my ocular bones at a force, hurts. I mean it was like a tiny nunchuck was suctioning and beating my face. After the "diamonding" of my face she told me she was going to massage my face. "Okay," I said excited for some relaxation time. Nope Josephine started out all nicey-nicey but then began slapping my jowels and cheeks. I mean it was totally bizarre and it was hard enough to make loud slapping noises that carried down the hall. For me a massage is the slight pressure-rubbing of my muscles not slappin' a ho.
Then she began to massage my neck and shoulders. I couldn't believe how much strength this lil 70 pound chick had. She had straight-up chimpanzee strength. It seriously felt like a chimpanzee high on pixie sticks had been unleashed on me. I think she may even have used her feet at some point. Then she cradled my head and whipped me into the seated position. Chimpanzee strength.
Then I got my pedicure. Sammy did my pedicure and she was pretty gentle with me until she pushed up my pant leg and began literally punching my calf. Ummm. What does this have to do with a beauty treatment? I started to think they only reserved this treatment for me. I mean wailing on my leg was not exactly the relaxation move I was looking for. I think I could find anyone to kick the crap out of me for free. And here I am the sucker paying people to get out their aggression on me. Yes my face and nails came out very nice but what the hell kind of torture are these people into? And what is the training like? "Yes and now punch her in her face. Real hard. She likes it, I promise. She pays big money for it." I suffered less physical harm being near a mosh pit last night than I did today at the "spa". Spa my ass. More like fight club. Maybe that's the missing piece. I am supposed to fight back. Hi-ya.
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