Magnum, P.I.

Recently one character just keeps popping into my twisted brain: Magnum, P.I.  The dude lived and drove around Hawaii in a Ferrari.  Jello?  Yes please.  I seriously think it would be so fun to follow people all day long and take notes on their every move.  I mean I love gossip so wouldn't I love spying?  I could buy all sorts of wigs and cute outfits.  I think my specialty would be catching cheaters.  I would film their every move and then show the victim what their significant other was banging on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and paying for on Sunday mornings.  Then they would exclaim "That's why I have Chlamydia?!" and I would say "yes" handing them tissues and ask they want to confront the cheater.

I imagine the scorned a heavy-set woman, named Bess, with self-bleached hair, wearing a faded leopard-print tank top smacking her gum.  I would show her footage of her boyfriend, Dick, who has a 6 inch rat-tail heading into a rent-by-the-hour motel with ChaCha who serves him Bud-heavies at the bowling alley.  I would park my Ferrari just out of sight and set-up my bionic ear (a device not my actual ear) and high zoom/resolution camera.  And just as things heated up I would have my bouncer kick open the door (for drama) and let Bess have her way with the two of them.  Now I know that there is a show called Cheaters but here's where my P.I. work would differ... Instead of breaking up the fight between Bess, Dick and ChaCha I would turn it into a televised Gladiator event.  Bess, being the victim, would get a bean bag gun, Dick would get African tranquilizer blow darts, and ChaCha would get a whiffle ball bat with thumb tacks sticking out of it (sorry ChaCha that's what man-stealin' hoes get).

I would put them in Giants stadium and let 'em at it.  I may even throw in a hungry komodo dragon, some little people dressed as superheros with paintball guns, and 10 trained chimpanzees with chinese stars.  I can't imagine that people wouldn't want to see this so I would sell tickets and televise it on Pay Per View. 

Normal aspirations.