Shows That Make Us Love our Lives

The creation of reality t.v. has taken over America and probably the rest of the world.  These shows are designed to make us either love or hate our lives in comparison.  I've been realizing that after I watch some shows I want to take a disinfecting shower.  While other shows make me look at my shoe box of an apartment, fantasize about burning it down, robbing a bank or marrying a Park Ave. 90-year-old.  So in 2 postings I will share with you the shows that make me either LOOOOVE or HATE my life.

1) Bad Girls Club:  I just love watching this show.  Why?  Because I want to run to my parents and thank them for raising me to NOT: a) become a stripper or porn star b) do crack-cocaine c) punch bitches on a regular basis d) get punched by bitches on a regular basis e) buying my casual clothes at Frederick's of Hollywood e) be a STD incubator and distributor f) put my drugged, lesioned ass on t.v. for everyone to see. 

2) 19 Kids And Counting: I think that's pretty self explanatory.

3) Tool Academy: Now granted even though many of these shows are fake I can't help but think they are real.  It boggles my mind that a chick would write to the show begging that her boyfriend attend Tool Academy.  If that isn't a red flag the size of Texas then I'm clearly old fashioned.  I imagine the letter to look like this:

Dearest Tool Academy People That Run The Showses,

My boyfriend is needed to go on your show.  He does not respect me and he is sometimes mean and throws stuff.  Last night he threw my mom across the trailer and then my kitchen table out our only door.  He drinks a lot and stays out late at night with his friends and if I ask him why he stayed out so late then he gives me this look like I'm asking him something stupid or something and tells me to "shut -up dummy slut" so then I tell him to sleep on the couch but I really let him sleep with me then he puts his cigarette out on my dog and doesn't even say sorry to Princess.  He slept with my sister but they say they only spooned and i think they kissed or something because he had a hickey on his nuts.  He has not had a job in 3 years and i pay for everything and he asks me for money and I can't say no because where is he gunna go ya know? He only has a scooter and he can't get to a job.  so i think you guys could help him so we can get married and have babies because i love him.

Thanks,
Tammy Train Wreck

4) Rock of Love/For the Love of Ray J/Real Chance of Love/Frank The Entertainer:  Thanks VH1 for isolating this cesspool of STDs.  Bret Michaels is a balding, face-lifted, has-been who continues to woo porn stars and Dr. Seuss characters (who all have FF silicone buoys) with his 1988 hit "Every Rose".  Most of these chicks weren't even born then but still desire fame at the expense of kissing those puffy, pouty collagen infected injected lips.  It shouldn't be a reality dating show it should be a Guiness Book sex-a-thon.  "Brett just 355 more chicks to go before sundown!"  And oooh Ray J.  He has a sex tape out with Kim Kardashian and he's Brandy's brother so he must be Quali-T.  Yes Ray J please give me a nickname describing what a hot mess I am.  How about "Daddy Issues", "Low Self Worth", or "Wide Open 24/7"?  I can't even get into Real and Chance.  What in the hell do they have to offer?  Do people even watch this? After watching this video I may start watching it because Animals ARE Awesome...http://www.vh1.com/video/shows/real-chance-of-love-2/438994/we-are-the-animals.jhtml#id=1621967
Frank the Entertainer.  VH1 you went too too far this time.  He lives in his "parents' basement" and hoses dates a bunch of chicks who have never outgrown the toddler motto "bad attention is still attention".  I mean must you continue to create the same show over and over?  I wonder what your meetings are like?  "How about Shit-For-Brains should we give him a show?  Why not? Let's put him in a poorly decorated mansion and have him date a bunch of Macaques and Bonobos. Yes, Bonobos."

5) Get ready for this.  I did some research for you.  In chronological order: Road Rules All Stars/RWRR Challenge/RWRR Challenge 2000/RWRR Extreme Challenge/Battle of the Sexes/The Gauntlet/The Inferno/Battle of The Sexes/The Inferno II/The Gaunlet 2/Fresh Meat/The Duel/The Inferno 3/The Gauntlet III/The Island/The Duel 2/The Ruins.
Yuuuup 17 of them.  Derrick, Katie, Tonya, and Veronica have been in 8 of them.  Why do I love my life thanks to this show?  Because a) my resume does not have "MTV drunken whore" all over it b) I have lived my blundering, mistake-ridden life off video camera  c) I thought I was an alcoholic until I watched this d) I am not Tonya.

The shows that make us hate our lives is up next...